


Sleeping Potions and Snake Oil

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-15
Updated: 2007-07-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 07:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12722439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack and Daniel in Janet's infirmary.





	Sleeping Potions and Snake Oil

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Written for the FNF Challenge #101. The prompt appears at the end of the story.  
  
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!  


* * *

“Daniel, please.”

“Please what?”

“Please stop pacing like that.”

“Like what?” Daniel stopped sharply at the end of the bed before turning to walk up the other side.

“Like that.” Jack's stomach was queasy enough without watching Daniel pace back and forth like an animal in a cage. He closed his eyes to block out the motion which brought Daniel instantly to his side. 

“Jack?”

He pulled himself back from the edge of sleep with a jerk. “I'm awake.”

“You hit your head. I just don't want you drifting off until Janet sees you.”

“I'm fine.” This time it was the pressure of Daniel's hand on his arm that kept him from closing his eyes again. He winced as the fingers dug into sore muscles. Falling down a hillside (however small) hurt. His right arm, his shoulder, his hip and, of course, his head all ached. He wanted some of Janet's magic potions and then he wanted to go home and sleep for a week.

“Sorry,” Daniel said, releasing Jack's arm and rubbing his hand gently over the abused spot.

“Don't do that either,” Jack mumbled.

“Sorry,” Daniel repeated, pulling his hand away. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, but if you keep rubbing my arm, I'm going to fall asleep and you told me not to do that.” He gave Daniel a little smile, hoping to get a smile back, only to see Daniel stuff his hands in his pockets and start pacing again. 

Jack yawned and wished for Janet to hurry up. She was busy with SG12 who'd come home with some mysterious rash. They needed her now and he knew he could wait. He didn't want to, but he could. His condition wasn't serious. He was bruised, sore, and probably concussed, but none of his injuries was life threatening. He'd been x-rayed and scanned. He'd been placed on an IV. Now he was waiting for Doctor Frasier's official diagnosis. He was fine. 

Daniel, on the other hand, was going to wear out the finish on the floor with his pacing if he didn't collapse from exhaustion first. Jack knew from experience that Daniel was running on will power and adrenaline fumes, both of which he had in endless supply. Jack shifted on the bed trying to stay awake, letting out a little whiff of air at the pull of sore muscles.

Instantly attuned to every move Jack made, Daniel turned to pull the curtain surrounding the bed. “I'll get Janet.”

“No, you won't.” Jack snapped. He waved at Daniel to come back inside the curtain. “I'm fine. Why don't you sit down--or better yet, why don't you head home and I'll see you for breakfast in the morning. You're okay, right? So go home and get some sleep.” 

Daniel ignored him and went back to his pacing. Jack sighed. If not for his sake then for Daniel's he hoped Janet would hurry. The man looked beat. He'd carried Jack for more than an hour after his fall. Jack knew he'd hit his head pretty hard, enough to spook Daniel into making a sprint for the gate. It wasn't until they'd met up with Teal'c and Carter, just about the time that Jack regained consciousness, that Daniel had finally stopped running. He blessed his teammates again for their common sense. Carter had given him a couple of Tylenol, Teal'c had taped Jack's sore arm to his chest, and Daniel had started fussing and pacing. He hadn't stopped either one since.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. He'd stopped pacing long enough for Warner to give him his post mission physical, complaining loudly until Warner turned him loose, no doubt out of a sense of self preservation. Daniel had to be hurting after carrying Jack all that way, but that hadn't stopped him from hovering over Jack—or from wearing a path in the floor. Still, he must be okay or Warner never would have cleared him. 

Jack was about to try to get Daniel to at least sit down when Janet came through the curtain.

“Well, the x-rays look good but you've got quite the lump on the back of your head. Lean forward, Colonel, and let me have a look.” Daniel stood at the other side of the bed, watching Janet's examination intently. Knowing that Daniel was watching, Jack tried not to react. It didn't work. As gentle as Janet's hands were, it still hurt when she pressed on the base of his skull and he gasped as she probed a particularly tender spot.

“Ow!” he said, pulling back. “Where did you get your medical degree?”

“From the back of a box of Wheaties,” Janet said, placing her hands on her hips. “Colonel, I barely touched you.”

“It still hurt.” He swatted at her hands as she brought them up to his head again.

“He was out for almost a half an hour.” Daniel's worried face appeared over Janet's shoulder. “Did you need to run any more tests? He fell about twenty feet. And hit his head. I tried to catch him when he slipped but I wasn't fast enough.” Each clipped sentence brought Daniel a little closer to the bed. 

Jack felt guilty. He shouldn't have snapped at Frasier with Daniel in the room. He shouldn't have snapped at Frasier at all, but especially with Daniel in the room. The man could make himself feel bad about anything and he hadn't done anything wrong. It was a fluke accident. Jack slipped and fell—end of story. Except it wasn't. Daniel blamed himself for Jack's injuries. “I keep telling you, Daniel, it wasn't your fault. I slipped, that's all. Could have happened to anybody.”

Daniel ignored him and continued. “Did you x-ray the arm? I think he might have broken the arm. He jumped when I touched it a minute ago.”

“I did not jump,” Jack protested. “And it's not broken.”

Daniel looked up long enough to glare at him before he turned back to Janet. “I didn't want to move him but I was worried about the head injury. I thought...I thought I should get him to the gate.”

“You did fine, Daniel. The colonel has a mild concussion. We checked the arm and it's fine. He pulled a muscle in his shoulder and he's going to need to keep it immobilized for awhile. But no broken bones.” She reached out and put her hand on Daniel's chest, pushing him back a couple of paces so that she could continue her examination. “How's the headache, Sir?”

Jack grimaced. His headache was about to get much worse if he had to stay in hospital overnight. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could get Janet to release him. That way, he could get Daniel to go home too. 

Before he could turn his charm on the good doctor, Daniel said, “Don't even think about lying to Doctor Frasier. Yes, Janet, he has a headache.”

Jack glared at Daniel before looking innocently at Frasier. “I'm fine, Doc, really. A little headache and some stiff muscles. Nothing a good night's sleep in my own bed won't cure.”

“Your not leaving the infirmary, Jack,” Daniel insisted. “Janet, don't listen to him. He's in pain. There's no way you should be out of the--”

Frasier turned to give Daniel an icy stare serious enough to get him to shut him up mid-sentence. “Thank you, Daniel. I think I can decide who stays and who goes in my own infirmary.” She turned back to the colonel. “You're not leaving the infirmary. You have a concussion, so for tonight, you're going to stay right here where I can keep an eye on you. And one more smirk from you Doctor Jackson and I'll be letting the nurses give you a sponge bath when you come in for your next physical.”

She hadn't even turned her head to look, but Daniel had definitely been smirking at Janet's pronouncement that Jack had to stay in the infirmary. Despite his headache, Jack smiled at the look of surprise on Daniel's face. Leave it to Doctor Frasier to know how to handle Doctor Jackson. Nobody ordered Frasier around in her own infirmary and Daniel, of all people, should know that. Of course, she'd also handled him. He was stuck in the infirmary for the night. And he hadn't even argued the point. Must be the concussion.

As she continued her examination, checking pulse and respiration, Jack caught her eye, nodding in the direction of Daniel who'd taken to pacing the floor again. She gave him a small nod in return. Jack wasn't the only one who needed some tender loving care, Frasier style.

“I'm going to get you something to help with the pain, Colonel. I'll be right back.” She patted his arm. “And you, Daniel, can go get some sleep. The colonel's fine.” She poked Daniel in the chest. “I expect you to be gone by the time I get back.” She left the cubicle, heading for her office.

“She's right, you know,” Jack said, looking at an obviously exhausted Daniel. “You should go get some sleep.”

“I'm fine,” Daniel said, rubbing his chest.

“Me too. You heard Frasier.”

“She's keeping you in the infirmary.” 

“You _wanted_ her to keep me in the infirmary,” Jack sputtered, frustrated at the way this conversation was going. Now that he was confined to the infirmary at Daniel's _and_ Frasier's insistence, Daniel was supposed to go get some sleep. That's why he'd given in so easily, so Daniel would win and go home to bed. Then Jack could get some sleep without worrying about him. His strategy obviously wasn't working.

Daniel plopped down on the chair beside Jack's bed. “She's keeping you in the infirmary; that means you're not fine.” 

Jack wanted to be relieved that Daniel had finally decided to sit down instead of pacing the floor, but it probably meant that he intended to stay the night by Jack's bed. “It's a concussion and some pulled muscles. It's minor stuff. Some of Frasier's happy juice and I'll be as right as rain. Go home.”

Daniel looked unconvinced. Jack could see the “no” forming on Daniel's lips as Janet came back. She passed Daniel a cup of coffee, which he took gratefully, and gave Jack a sharp look. “Don't even ask, Colonel. You can't have any coffee.” 

“I guarantee it won't keep me awake,” Jack said with longing. “One cup of coffee for an injured man?”

“It's a concussion. You can have coffee in the morning. And you, Daniel,” she turned to see the archaeologist downing the liquid in his cup, “have just earned yourself eight hours of uninterrupted sleep under my tender care. Right over there.” She pointed to the open bed next to Jack's.

“No,” Daniel said, taking another sip of coffee. “I'm fine. I'm just going to sit here for a little while--at least until Jack falls asleep.”

“No, you're not, not with that cup of coffee in your hand.”

“I won't give any to Jack,” Daniel said, quickly swallowing another mouthful. “I promise, Janet, just five more minutes.”

“Not five more minutes,” Janet said, “because you're not going to be awake in five more minutes.” She looked at her watch as though starting a countdown.

“Don't be silly,” Daniel said, taking another gulp from the cup. “I'm going to be right here.” He patted the side of his chair. 

“No,” Janet repeated still looking at her watch. “I just put a sleeping pill in your coffee and you should start to feel its effects right about...now.” She looked up.

Jack watched, fascinated, as Daniel blinked once slowly. 

He looked down into the cup. “You drugged my coffee?”

Janet took the cup from Daniel's lax fingers and pulled him, swaying, to his feet. “I'd like to have you lying down before you fall asleep in the chair. I'm sure my nurses and I could carry you to the bed, but it's much easier if we get you settled now.”

“You drugged my coffee?” Daniel's eyes were now unfocused and he blinked repeatedly. “That's...that's not right.” He protested weakly as Janet pushed him back onto the bed and pulled his legs up until he was stretched out full length. She managed to pull off his jacket and remove his shoes before he fell asleep, still muttering his objections.

“Way to go, Doc,” Jack said, easing back on the bed. He grunted as the movement pulled the muscles in his shoulder. He was impressed that a five foot nothing, one hundred pound pushy doctor had wrangled a six foot something, one hundred and eighty pound snarky linguist into submission. “But you know, Daniel has a point. You shouldn't have spiked his coffee.”

“He would have a point if that's what I'd actually done. I didn't put anything in Daniel's coffee.”

Jack looked at her in amazement. “You didn't slip him a mickey? Not that I'm objecting, of course, but that would have been...”

“Unethical?” Janet asked, adjusting the IV bag. 

“Well...yeah,” Jack admitted.

“Daniel wasn't going to leave, Colonel. You know that and I know that. You and I both know that you're on the mend and he's exhausted. He wasn't about to leave your bedside, and while I normally applaud such devotion, it really isn't necessary this time because you're fine—sore and cranky, but fine. So instead of chemical warfare, I used a little psychological warfare.”

Jack couldn't help but smile. He should know by now never to underestimate good ol' Doc Frasier. “So the whole thing with the coffee and the watch...all an act?”

“All an act,” Janet agreed. “And a good one if I do say so myself.” She pulled the cover up over Daniel's shoulder, settling it with a pat. “He'll be fine in the morning, you'll be fine in the morning. He can take you home and fuss over you and you can take him home and let him. But you'll both do it much better after a good night's sleep.”

She reached up to take the IV port into her hand. “And now, Sir, it's time you got some rest.” She pulled a syringe out of her pocket and emptied its contents into the IV. “It's a muscle relaxant that should help you to sleep.”

“You sure you've got anything in that needle? How do I know you're not tricking me like you tricked Daniel?”

“You don't,” Janet said, smiling at him as she adjusted the blanket on the bed. “That should kick in in a few minutes.”

Jack felt a lethargy steal over him as muscle by muscle relaxed. For the first time since his return from the planet, he felt like he could move without pain, but he didn't want to. Now that Daniel was taken care of, the need for sleep hit him hard. “Did you sell snake oil in another life?” he muttered.

“Snake oil?”

Jack's eyelids felt heavy. “You know, the old traveling salesmen who had magic potions in their wagon, good for whatever ails you. You could have a wagon with Doctor Janet's Magical Medical Emporium on the side of it. You don't even need drugs. You just have to tell people they're going to get better and they get better—or tell people they're going to sleep and they sleep.” His voice started to slur as whatever was in the IV bag made its way into his system.

“Daniel's right. You hit your head pretty hard,” Janet said with a laugh. She patted his leg as she walked away. “Get some sleep, Colonel, and we'll talk about my medical expertise in the morning.” 

Jack thought he nodded but his wasn't sure. “Will he sleep through the night?”

“Maybe, maybe not. But if he wakes up, he's much more likely to go back to sleep if you're already snoring. Just do me one favor, Sir, and don't tell Daniel that I didn't drug his coffee. Snake oil's all I've got left that will work on him.”

He took one last look at Daniel in the next bed before he let Janet's magic potion do its job on both of them. With a sigh, he was asleep.

Finis

The challenge prompt was: Doctor Janet's Magical Medical Emporium


End file.
